Boundaries That Strengthen Families

Kate Pomplun, AOS Care Management Care Manager

Q: “As a grandparent, I love being involved with my grandkids, but sometimes I feel stretched thin between helping my adult children, caring for my spouse, and keeping up with my own health needs. How do I balance these responsibilities without burning out?”

 

A:

This is a very honest, vulnerable and real question, and I appreciate your willingness to ask it and be open about the struggle many of face to balance caring for others with caring for ourselves.

Your love and involvement are such gifts to your family—but you’re right, even good responsibilities can become overwhelming without balance. It’s important to remember that your health and well-being are not just priorities for you—they’re essential for your whole family. A tired, stressed caregiver can’t give the best of themselves.

One helpful step is to clarify your boundaries. I know that’s easier said than done, but clarifying boundaries helps you and the people you love. Decide how much time and energy you can realistically give each week and communicate that gently but firmly with your adult children. Most families will understand when you say, “I can help on these days, but I need the others for myself and my spouse.”

Also, think of caregiving as a team effort. Encourage your children and other relatives to share tasks or explore resources like community programs, after-school care, or respite support for your spouse. It doesn’t have to fall entirely on your shoulders. If you haven’t yet asked for help, your family may not know how overwhelmed you feel at times. And many caregivers say they feel like asking for help is weak or just adds to the family’s burdens. However, most families report they are happy to help.

Finally, make sure you’re scheduling time just for you—whether that’s exercise, hobbies, or simply rest. By taking care of yourself, you’re setting a powerful example for your grandkids about what healthy love and responsibility look like. You can even say to the grandkids, “I’m going on a bike ride to enjoy quiet time alone with my own thoughts!” Kids need this, too, so they’re seeing a great example. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them or love your time together. It’s normal and natural to need quiet time.